Q & A

I was recently emailed a question: “Do you feel your trips to Iraq and Afghanistan have changed you?”

Here is how I responded:

Regarding your question, wow, it's a tough one. The short answer is yes I do feel changed, the long answer... well, that I will do my best to make coherent, because right now the answer feels like an exploded jigsaw puzzle in my mind.

I think the most profound manner in which I feel different is that I am more calm. While in Afghanistan, I was unlucky enough to attend a ramp ceremony; a soldier was killed while on patrol, and I was allowed to watch his flag-draped casket being loaded onto a plane back to the states. I was witness to a comrade of his, a friend, board the plane next to the casket, and I knew that he was going to stay with the body all the way to its final destination, where he would fold and present the flag to the fallen soldier's family, be it his parents, wife, or the like. Returning to America after that, it's almost difficult to comprehend yelling at a waiter, or being angry by a long checkout line in a supermarket. Sadly, I see it happen almost every day, and I live in the relatively tranquil outpost of Iowa; I remember all too well what it was like when I lived in Los Angeles, and tension was as abundant as sunshine.

While I do feel changed, I do not wear my experiences like a cloak. What I mean by that statement is, I cannot ever bring myself to remind anyone acting inappropriately, "You are aware that as you yell at that driver and give them the finger, a soldier is far from home, his life on the line, right?" I'm not sure it's my place to, and would almost be more condescending than enlightening. I have been blessed by my experiences, and those are mine alone. I do not feel I can force them upon anyone, and trying to instill empathy into another human being is quite difficult unless deftly handled.

I also feel that by having been overseas, I am walking down a path best described by the axiom, "The more you learn, the less you know." I do not act like an expert on Iraq, Afghanistan, either war, or the military in general just because I have been lucky enough to spend time with them. Though the military is an institution, it is comprised of many unique individuals, and they have an immense variance of opinions, beliefs, and ideals. In 2004, I was stunned by the amount of anti-Bush vitriol exiting the mouths of soldiers. At home, I was being told "the military" supported President Bush, and thought Kerry a sissy they would never vote for. The reality of the situation was many soldiers were unhappy with their commander in chief, and had no intention whatsoever of voting for him. What I had been told as absolute truth was turning out to be anything but, and it made me more cautious whenever hearing a blanket statement.

(And hopefully, it also made me less willing to make a blanket statement, too)

To prevent myself from writing a book, I'll stop now. I could probably go on and on, but hopefully this helps answer your question.

If not, feel free to ask more questions, or for me to clarify or expand on anything I've said.

One last note: One day after attending the ramp ceremony mentioned above, I flew to the outpost he had been stationed at. I was scheduled to perform a 10:00 a.m. show, and arrived to find the soldiers had just returned from an overnight, twelve-hour patrol. They were exhausted, and headed to breakfast and bed, in that order. The base commander, however, issued a casual order, saying they really should assemble in the community room (a very tiny living room in a mud hut known as "base headquarters") and participate in the comedy show. I was beyond nervous, knowing I was going to face twenty exhausted eighteen-year old kids who were currently dealing with the loss off a friend, but damn if they didn't make the best audience I've ever performed for. Though they entered with dark circles under their near-shut eyes, after I greeted them and started telling a few jokes, their mouths started so crack smiles, and soon enough a sound known as laughter was emanating throughout the room.

That's something that will stay with me for the rest of my life.