did hitler have nightmares?

what most people don't realize about polonius, is that he was an evil, selfish bastard.

though best known for the phrase, "to thy own self be true," he is not a champion of ethics. the famous words create a contextualized quote; when you read it alone, it appears to stand for high mindedness. the fact of the matter is he was actually offering up the advice to be utterly selfish in matters that concern anyone but yourself. the path of self-preservation is the one he walks, and the phrase "give thy thoughts no tongue" is important, because it exposes someone who understands it is easier to remain witness to the burdens others shoulder than to intervene and attempt help.

at breakfast, i overheard an exchange regarding actions and responsibilities as human beings: the axiom "as long as i can sleep at night, i've made the right decision" was followed by the agreement "it's all about personal conscience," and though i was not party to the dialogue, as i listened from the sidelines i tilted my head like the confused dog i am and went, *mwar?*

thing is, sleep is a physiological need, not a litmus test for right and wrong. consider customs officer dave kujan: "let's say you arrest three guys for the same killing. put them all in jail overnight. the next morning, whoever is sleeping is your man. if you're guilty you know you're caught, you get some rest." so in the criminal world, the guilty rest well, while the innocent fret and wonder what's happening.

maybe my mind has a knee-jerk reaction to it, but the conversation inspired in me memory of the first mafia movie i saw as a child. even before knowing what hypocrisy was, i was confused by these creatures who could speak of honor, love and family, all the while murdering their enemies and living a life of thieving and dishonorable character.

i'm not going to argue against personal conscious, but i don't always understand it. there are both extreme cases--such as the members of n.a.m.b.l.a., men so brazen about their unfounded belief in touching young boys they formed a group demanding the entitlement to do so--and the not so extreme, little things ordinary people do--like the infidelity of a spouse who tells a wedded partner "i love you," all the while courting others on the side--that make me wonder about the human mind and the things it can justify as "right." that someone can sleep at night after unsavory actions does not mean they've found an enlightenment everyone should subscribe to, just that they may not dig very deep when wrestling within.

the most difficult path to walk isn't one that allows me to decide if i'm doing right simply in my eyes, but one intermingled by softened ego and strengthened soul. if i can stumble my way down that…

…well then, wouldn't that be something?