a rose by any other name

on monday morning, i went to bed around 2am, then woke at 3:45am to catch a flight. i spent several hours in airports and airplanes, and returned home to do household chores and run errands. i went to bed roughly 11pm-ish on monday night, then woke at 4am to enter into my car and drive for 13 hours to western north dakota.

upon arrival, i was exhausted, and hungry.

the other comedian and i meandered over to burger king, where he could have a fast food feast and i could nibble away at their surprisingly tasty veggie burger.

an employee greeted us at the counter, and i inquired as to what exactly the apple fries were. said employee was not overly sure, and i made some sort of joke that already escapes my memory. hearing my comment, the other comedian, chad, gestured to the employee and said, also jokingly, "oh come on… it's not her fault."

to which i responded, gesturing to the employee: "hey, do you know who this is? this young woman is actually the owner of burger king. she's here checking on all her employees and satellite locations. she travels the country doing quality control for her fast food empire and will be down in rapid city south dakota tomorrow."

at this point, i am giving chad a mock dead stare, as if we are in debate and i have just made my argument.

from behind the counter, the same wispy voice that greeted us sounded: "she who?"

chad and did not break eye contact for a moment, as we were wondering what exactly we just heard.

i turned slowly to face the teenaged employee, with all its shaggy long hair.

"you," i said, a sound of genuine bewilderment living inside my voice.

slowly and awkwardly, a plump hand reached down to an even plumper breast and lifted the baggy shirt riding atop it.

a nametag became emphasized.

"jacob"

at this point in time, i could have said any number of things: "my god, i'm sorry," "oh wow… i'm an asshole," or "i was just kidding" among them.

instead, exhausted, hungry, and confused beyond words, i looked right at the figure holding forth the nametag which read "jacob" and said before thinking…

"you're a dude?"



the worst part is, i wasn't kidding.

.