My Kitties are Chris Cooper

At the end of the movie American Beauty, Chris Cooper's marine colonel murders Kevin Spacey's character. This happens after Cooper's homosexual advance is spurned by Spacey, an advance that exposes the inner nature of many overtly angry homophobes: that they themselves are gay and use anger to blanket such feelings. Outside of Hollywood, we've seen this pattern repeated in Right-Wing senators and Ultra-Conservative Religious figures.

If you are unaware, Lyds and I have two kitties, Simon and Pandora. They're both female, even though Simon is gender confused and thinks he's a boy. Regardless, these two female kitties engage daily in a ritual not unlike the rage of a closet case being discovered.

Many times upon waking from a nap, a nap usually taken while snuggled up together, they decide to help one another clean the area they themselves cannot alone: their face. Each begins to lick the other's noggin, and all is well for a minute or so. They're happy, relaxed... but almost immediately after a few cleaning licks have taken place, they always, always, always engage in an all out hiss-fight, with back-bent ears and snarling mouths.

I could be wrong, but I'm guessing they're closeted lesbians, and as they fully wake up from their naps and realize what they're in the middle of doing, Christian Kitty Guilt hits them full force and causes them to lash out at one another. "You tricked me! I'm no lesbian! I would never lick another female kitty when in my right mind!"

I'm going to ask the government for a million dollar grant to study homosexual animal guilt.