maybe some ladies don't lie about size

today, in a nice (enough) neighborhood in cuyahoga Falls, ohio, within an enclosed parking lot, some cuntbag asshole decided to play smashy-smashy with the rear passenger window of my car. naturally, thunderstorms were predicted for all evening and the following day.

good times.

i called the police non-emergency line to file a report to make my insurance company happy, then--take a deep breath here--called my insurance company and spent fifteen minutes on hold waiting for a representative from india (not a hack joke, the truth) on my dying cell phone in one ear while alternately looking up and calling auto glass repair shops on google on the condo phone on my other ear and walking to the window to check for the cops to show up.

(they took 75 minutes)

so, after talking with my auto insurance agent and being reminded my deductible is $500, i talked to the glass company and found that the rear passenger window of a toyota yaris is… $700!

considering i've paid less than $300 for entire front windshields, i was a little taken back. the thing is, as i discovered through internet action and a couple friends, the smaller you go with car windows, the more they cost. your windshield is the cheapest, then the rear windshield, then the front passenger doors, then the rear, and most expensive of all is the little triangle window on the rear door of a car, the one that doesn't even roll down.

(what i didn't discover is why this is the case)

but, when you talk to a specialist in any field, you learn interesting things; in my case, i discovered that there are actually three car window-smashing seasons: spring. the temperature goes up, bored teenagers start skipping more classes, and windows are broken for "fun." halloween, a given. again, teens start about ten days before all hallows eve and it tapers off about three days later. and christmas, another makes-sense season. people shop, stash some goods in their car, go back to shop some more and smash-and-grab becomes a little cottage industry.

i apparently fell victim to the first season, bored teens. nothing was taken--there was nothing to take--and when i checked the door was still locked. they smashed and kept walking. lucky me, i won the "random-car-in-the-lot" contest.

as pissed as i was for ten minutes, after i calmed down, i shrugged the whole thing off. am i happy about it? no. but, i can afford it. there are others out there who live paycheck to paycheck and would be driving around with saran wrap on the window right now. my car sits safely in a garage, waiting to be repaired tomorrow, where the cash price is $400, or $300 less than the first quoted price. had i caught the dickless wonder that did it, i would have happily busted out another window using his head. now that the anger has passed? i just hope that someday, when he's older and owns a car of his own, he gets into an accident and lives for about 40 years as a cripple.

plus, i was once an angry teenager. a couple dozen mailboxes can testify to my once-destructive nature.* so was this karma? nah, i don't believe in that. i know too many rat bastards that are successful as fuck for karma to be real. this was random, and though i wish it hadn’t happened to me, i can live with it.

this time.

but if it happens again tomorrow? then i'm blaming the abortionists and gay agenda. if they can be the reason behind 9/11, they damn well can be held culpable for this.

thank you, pat robertson.



*as vandalizing a mailbox is a federal offense, i'd like to point out that what i wrote above is a complete and total lie. i would never do anything to a mailbox. they are beautiful creatures. *whistles innocently*





(oh, random note: did anyone notice that when i chose "virginal" as the mood on my last blog, they put an obese kitty as the symbol? i chose it again for this blog, so take a look. 'tis funny. myspace is sending a subliminal message about who they think can and cannot get laid on this planet)